Sarah Obscura's blog

Hello old friend.

2010-05-20 21.46.59

Its been a rather long time since I've posted anything to you. This is what I look like now. I finally got my dermal anchors and I love them. I also got my Mizuno tattoo in 2008, I believe. There have been a lot of changes in my life that I haven't filled you in on yet. For example, the boyfriend is no more. I broke up with Ross, dated Jake, then broke up with Jake. Experienced an interesting situation with a boy named Ryan, and now that is no longer. Its so nice to be single again. Currently I'm attending Aveda Fredric's Institute until February. Ocean and I have finally put aside our differences to become acquaintances again. This year I have met Asobi Seksu, and last year I met Seth Green and Matthew Senreich from Robot Chicken. What wonderful people! They were all so sweet. Hopefully leaving this year to go to NY and finally meet my famous twin. I turn 21 in 30 days. Somewhat excited to be legal to drink, but it doesn't seem like a big deal to me.   

Currently I'm stuck at home with a tension migraine (5 days now, :/). Waiting for it to go away and hoping it does soon. My Laura is coming to visit me. She's bringing baby Bells with her.

I can't say that I miss many people in my life right now. I miss Amanda, but I suppose I'll always miss her. I'm always busy and don't seem to have any time for anyone, even myself.

One thing I'm very proud to announce is that I have a quite popular tumblr! You can access it here! :)

Heading off to bed, now, to wait until Laura gets here. Hopefully I'll remember to update this thing.

{end.begin}

I can't believe I used to enjoy throwing up.
Wtf is wrong with those that try that shit? I don't even have much of a gag reflex anymore...

I feel like screaming to Dresden until I rip my vocal chords.
I hate when I feel sad and listen to sad music. Ruins my day. I think I'll play some MSI.
He was right. Emotions are hell. Kind of wish I didn't have them, but I don't think I'd be the same person if I didn't.
How could anyone possibly ever care for someone like me? Physically or emotionally? Oh well. I'm not going to bother myself with it. Maybe I'm a decent person and I just can't see it?

I'm getting continually sick of listening to lies. I want to hear something real, dammit. Tell me something real. Anyone. What I feel is what I think and hope is real. I'm not going to pray to a fake 'god' hoping they are, though.
Whatever happens, happens. If it was meant to, it will.
I hate putting such blind faith into something like that last sentence, but I'm trying to get a load off of my mind I suppose.

[ I live for the touch.]
[ his touch, my touch, your touch, their touch, our touch]

Why am I so addicted to the physical aspects of life? Do they even matter?
Maybe I should take that advice and just close every emotional bit of me off to the world.

Supposedly it makes life easier..?

+oblong white things+

maybe i do have a problem with consuming them all too often...
not feeling hungry for four days has its benefits. no tummy aches or anything.
on another note, maybe i have been expecting too much. letting my heart get ahead of me, i think.

yes, fuck capitalization in this entry. i'm on painkillers, therefore, i don't care.

taking 200mg ultrams up to 4 times a day for my flu pain. how ghey that i should have to hurt. my head is killing me.
yes, i'm right. i did expect too much. it just felt so nice, though. and it still does. i feel like i can just jump into this, i guess, because i've never found something quite like it before. i need to calm down on the whole issue. a lot.

i really want to check out BSG, now. dammit >_< just a little bit was enough to get me interested in it.
i wish i felt floaty instead of all sleepy.

i need a hug.

//wasting it all\\

be afraid of the old! they'll inherit your souls! D:<

RAWR.

God. I'm sure I'm going to look at this entry later and ask myself what the fuck I was thinking typing something so dorky :/ gah.

La di da.
You know, I always try to make these entries somewhat interesting. I'm not sure I even want to put effort towards that at the moment. Life is good. I am content. Extremely content.
[FUCK ALL OF WHAT I SAID ABOVE]

He just pisses me off to no end. I can't be happy at all. Ever ever. >_<

{3.14}

Pai

{This is Pai. She was my puppy up until Sunday. I miss her dearly. :< Dawson, our other dog, has done nothing but mope around the house and it actually looks like he's crying, sometimes. Is it possible for dogs to actually cry when they mourn? o_O?}

{After me comes the flood}

Regina Spektor - Après Moi (Lollapalooza 2007)

{Je veux tes mains dans mes cheveaux.}

{How can you make me feel so weak? I don't understand the science of it all...}

Not sure how to take things at the moment. Went rummaging through a lot of my old poetry and writings last night. So many bad memories are held in paper, its ridiculous. I found myself trying to call people to calm my mind. No one answered. The ones I wanted desperately to answer were asleep. Old memories need to be buried. I can't believe what a messed up child I was. I didn't even see it. I had a reason for being in the hospital. Its all too clear to me now. I just wish it would have been easier for me to understand at the time it was happening. I hated the world with every inch of my being. I just can't believe how messed up I was. I still just can't let myself believe I wrote what I did, even though I remember typing and scribbling all of it. Some of the words I read gave me chills, others made me want to throw up and cry. How is it possible for anyone to feel for someone like me? What if I'm no different than I was back then? I'm continually telling myself that I'm not the same...but am I? Maybe if I just keep believing... ? We'll see, I suppose.  

{It comes and goes}

Ross is ghey.

i'm at his house and he's playing video games and being GHEY.
his sheets are monogram.
screams ghey to me. :D

Fahren.

I got my license! FINALLY

:) happiness.

QotD: Organ Donation

Are you a registered organ donor?  Why or why not? 
Submitted by jacolily.

Yes.
The idea of me giving another creature a second chance at life warms my inner being.

empty feeling.

I try, as often as I can, to be optimistic (or at least recently I have). Things have come crashing down lately. I'm not sure whats wrong with me. Ms. Anne Connors says that I am obviously depressed as well as anxiety ridden (and here I just thought I was a little bit stressed...?). She says that there must be 'something else extremely wrong with me, especially since this has been going on for over 6 years.'  I must now go to a psychiatrist.

I wish there were easy answers in life. I truly do. I want to be happy. I want to see my boyfriend and hug him and tell him I love him and be happy with life. I want to want to wake up every morning. I want to wake up and be able to go through a normal day without pain of any sort. I want to feel like nothing is wrong with me, even though the physical pain says otherwise. I want to be able to... breathe.